Exhaustion and Burnout: Part One

First of all, I’d like to apologize for not posting as often as I usually do on here recently. I love writing this blog and I feel bad that as of late, it’s had to take the back burner on the stove of my life.

For the past several weeks, I’ve had to work longer hours at work. Two of my employees have had COVID, and since I’m the General Manager and the only salaried employee at my store, any labor shortages or slack immediately become my responsibility. I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m almost dead. Last week, I clocked 61.98 hours, and that’s not including the lunches I worked through catching up on paperwork that I’ve had to neglect.

The thing that sucks the most about the whole ordeal is that the harder I work and the more I accomplish, it still seems like it’s never enough. The backlogged projects still shout at me. The unreasonable expectations of higher-ups still loom over me. They expect me to be more than human, to function like a well-oiled machine, but I just can’t. I’m unfortunately human. I have feelings. I get tired. I’ve been living off of candy and fast food for weeks because I’m always too tired to make anything better.

My bowels are irritated. I’ve had to hold myself and medicate myself to the point where my stomach is never not hurting. I take medicine to go and medicine to stop going, and I haven’t been allowed to simply go when I need to in so long that it’s going to take me a while to straighten myself out. Some days I don’t eat until I get home at night because I’m afraid that if I eat it will give me the urge to go and then my sales floor will be unattended.

Does my boss care? No. When I hear from her at all, it’s for her to inquire about my progress and to ask about our sales numbers. What are you doing to motivate your team to success? When will your excess truck be out? Why haven’t you made progress toward the XYZ project and do you have an estimated completion date? What conversations are you having with customers to promote our programs? Your sales numbers are not reflective of company expectations. Please tell me what you are doing to change that momentum and move the needle in a positive direction. One day, I’m going to just start screaming and I won’t be able to stop.

I’m a cog in the machine. If I drop dead, they’ll eventually (sooner or later) replace me with some poor schmuck who’ll probably get paid even less than I do. May God have mercy on their soul.

I want to say more about all of this but it will have to wait for another day. I actually get a day off tomorrow and I intend on sleeping in. Take care and thanks for listening.

Thanks as always for being a faithful reader of The Voracious Bibliophile. If you like what you see, please like, comment, follow, and subscribe to my email list to get notified of new posts as soon as they drop. You can also email me at fred.slusher@thevoraciousbibliophile.com or catch me on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, and Pinterest @voraciousbiblog. Keep reading the world, one page (or pixel) at a time.

Quote for the Day: August 8th, 2022

Many of life’s failures are experienced by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
Thomas Edison

Quote for the Day: March 4th, 2022

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
Robert Louis Stevenson

Quote for the Day: February 6th, 2022

*Outliers: The Story of Success* by Malcolm Gladwell

Autonomy, complexity, and a connection between effort and reward—are, most people will agree, the three qualities that work has to have if it is to be satisfying.
Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers: The Story of Success

Quote for the Day: January 30th, 2022

*Oh, the Places You’ll Go!* by Dr. Seuss

Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. Except when you don’t. Because, sometimes, you won’t.
Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You’ll Go!

Quote for the Day: November 25th, 2021

You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want.
S.E. Hinton

Quote for the Day: September 30th, 2021

Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

How you choose to define success is completely up to you.

This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. So many times, we allow our fears to place limits on what we can achieve with our dreams. Now, this is not to say there aren’t other factors at play. I’m not of the bootstraps mentality which says absolutely everything can be overcome through hard work and perseverance. Especially for people who occupy marginalized identities, the amount of success you’re able to attain is based on structural limitations determining how much access you have to the resources which make success possible. And let us also not forget that one person’s definition of success is different from the next person’s. How you choose to define success is completely up to you.

How much are you willing to lose? How often do you prefer to play it safe and hold your cards close to your chest?

That’s my disclaimer. In the most general sense, however, the decisions we make and the framework from which we approach those decisions are often based on the amount of risk we’re willing to operate within. In the business world, that’s called risk tolerance. Basically, the potential reward for any given decision (or investment) is directly proportional to the amount of risk you’re willing to take. How much are you willing to lose? How often do you prefer to play it safe and hold your cards close to your chest?

This is your ballgame. I hope you’ll make the right call.

Now, I’m not making a value judgment on people who choose to play it safe. Life is complex and not everyone is able to tolerate a lot of risk. But for everyone with the time and resources to pursue a dream, it’s not something you can put just 50% of your effort into. It’s all-or-nothing. And no one else is going to do the work for you. This is your ballgame. I hope you’ll make the right call. (P.S. My dad would be so proud that I used a sportsball analogy)